


That's How I Know That It's Magic

by Huffleton_Puffleton



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-14
Updated: 2014-12-17
Packaged: 2018-03-01 10:32:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2769782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Huffleton_Puffleton/pseuds/Huffleton_Puffleton
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Well, you're never going to fall in love if you're afraid of getting hurt. That's what it's all about, isn't it? Becoming so attached to someone, you'd risk getting your heart broken just to be really there with them? And no, I'm not talking about Sirius. I'm talking about him getting a taste of his own medicine...kind of.</p><p>(Previously, "Whatever Will Be, Will Be")</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Que

**Author's Note:**

> Talking slowly for hours as I lay down on the floor  
> Keep you warm enough; isn't that what love is for?
> 
> Bound by broken starts  
> The brightest eyes appear as dull and dying stars  
> "You lied to me you said there was a cure for broken hearts  
> To my surprise our love ain't tearing me apart"
> 
> Babe, that's how I know that it's magic.  
> \- Magic, She's Only Sixteen  
> (https://soundcloud.com/shesonlysixteen/magic-a-stripped-rendition)  
> (My favorite version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drllHQVk4M8)

She was game for anything, not bad-looking, and she wasn’t always all over him all the time. Those were key for Sirius Black. 

He was fun, definitely attractive, and she knew well enough what she was getting into. Those were enough for Clara Reyes.

She’d gotten to know his Gryffindor friends, mostly because they were always around. Her Hufflepuff friends were already well aware of him. Everyone was. Clara knew she wasn’t the first, and she wouldn’t be the last. When he broke up with her, pulling her away from a game of chess with Peter Pettigrew, she saw it coming before they’d even stopped walking. She saw it in the way he walked hunched over. She appreciated how he’d had the decency to look sad. She saw it in the way he wouldn’t look her in the eye.

It wasn’t like he did this on purpose, Sirius would reason to himself. Sure, he enjoyed the whole bad boy heartbreaker image, but it wasn’t as though he did it on purpose. Clara was great. She got along with his friends (the most important people in his life). Hell, she was even nice to Peter. It was just that she was unremarkable, and just then, some other, more remarkable girl had just broken up with her boyfriend. And so the cycle continues, Remus would tell him.

“Since the break up’s, y’know...amicable, would you mind if I...?” Peter was asking him over breakfast. A bark of laughter escaped Sirius.

“Why not, Wormy? If she’ll have you,” his shoulders shook with laughter. Across the room, and over Peter’s head of tufty blond hair, he happened to glance at the Hufflepuff table. He recognized her friends, and he recognized the genuine smile on her face. He was glad she’d taken it well. It was a first for him.

* * *

 

“Sirius!” Clara waved at him as they passed each other in between classes. It’d been two months since their break up, and he’d had no such luck on the girl he’d been eyeing. It seems she was determined to really mourn her ex. Sirius waved back, puzzled.

“Isn’t she taking it a little too well?” he asked James who was pushing through the sea of students beside him. The other boy snorted.

“It’s been two months, mate,” James threw his friend a trademark smirk. “Can’t expect her to mope around forever, can you?”

“That’s just it, though,” Sirius ignored the smirk, and frowned ahead. The unusual look conveniently carved a path through the crowd. “She hasn’t moped around at all.” James laughed beside him.

“D’you _want_ her to? Merlin, Padfoot, that’s just not fair.”

“I don’t _want_ her to, but you’d think she would...” Sirius’s frown deepened. “Lila Johnson’s been moping around for two months, why can’t Clara?”

“That’s what this is about, then, the elusive Miss Lila Johnson?” James shrugged and turned off into a steadily filling classroom.

“Must be,” Sirius shrugged back.

“You’re both children,” James and Sirius jumped, and Lily rolled her eyes at them.

“Lily, when’d you get here?!” James squeaked.

“Sirius, if you’re hurt because Clara’s not torn up about you leaving her to chase after some other girl, then you’re an even bigger lost cause than everyone thinks you are,” Lily ignored James’s question and settled into her seat at the table in front of them.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Sirius asked, leaning over to poke at Lily. She whipped around, clearly annoyed.

“You’re upset, because for once, you’re not as big of a deal as you think you are. You’re upset, because for once, you know what it’s like to be put aside like none of it mattered,” Lily whispered back, eyeing Professor Binns, getting ready to do roll call. Sirius grumbled and, having heard enough, settled back into his seat.

“Don’t look at me!” James said, both hands up in surrender as Sirius glared at him.

* * *

 

“You’ve been taking it well, Clara-belle,” Pandora singsong-ed, perhaps thinking about Xenophilius, Clara reasoned. They allowed the crowd to push them to their next class.

“I’ve been taking what well?”

“The break up,” Pandora deadpanned.

“Well, it’s been two months, and besides, we all saw it coming,” Clara shrugged.

“Well, just because we know something’s going to happen, doesn’t mean we’re prepared for it.”

“Dora, I saw it coming the moment he first asked me to Hogsmeade,” Clara chastised good-naturedly. “Who even _knows_ how _that_ happened,” Clara laughed.

“What d’you mean?” her friend looked so earnest, Clara’s smile faltered.

“Well...I’m...just me. I’m not much. I get along well with people, but that’s about it,” Clara shrugged. She knew it sounded self-deprecating, so she added, “I mean, I like myself just fine, but that doesn’t mean I’m anything special,” she shrugged again, then made a mental note to stop shrugging so much.

“Well, he must’ve liked you well enough to ask you to Hogsmeade, and then keep going with you for so long. And you must’ve liked him well enough to keep going with him,” Pandora watched her friend carefully.

“He’s fun, for sure, I suppose.”

“And?”

“And what, Dora? What’re you getting at?”

“I’m sorry, I’m just trying to understand how it all worked,” Pandora said, entering their classroom.

“We liked each other just fine. We had fun. That’s all there was to it, I think?” Clara replied, settling into her seat.

* * *

 

The first time they’d slept together was on a blanket on the floor of the Astronomy tower. It was trite, of course, but worked well enough for the two of them.

“You going to fall asleep on me now?” Clara teased, smiling. She lay on her back, watching him from the corner of her eye, then trailing her gaze to the ceiling above. She pulled the other blanket higher, tucking it under her chin.

“Probably,” Sirius admitted, chuckling. He was curled towards her, and he watched the moonlight and shadows play over her contented features. She really could be pretty sometimes.

“Okay,” she smiled at him, “Goodnight,” he watched her turn over to her other side, away from him, and he was confused. He’d been under the impression that girls he was in relationships with would want to cuddle or something.

“Goodnight,” he replied, pulling her towards him and falling asleep with his face in her hair. The last thing he remembered was feeling the tension leave her body as they drifted off.

* * *

 

“I don’t understand what’s happening,” Sirius admitted.

“What?” Clara looked up at him, “Well, _you_ shoved me into an empty classroom in the middle of the night _just_ as I was leaving dinner, so...”

“I know, I’m sorry,” he waved his hands as though erasing his previous statement, “I mean, I don’t understand what’s happening between us.”

“Nothing, Sirius,” she wrapped her arms around herself. “Nothing is happening between us anymore.”

“Right,” he wracked his brain for something to add.

“ _You_ broke up with _me_ ,” Clara reminded him.

“I know,” still nothing.

“What do you want from me, Sirius?”

“I don’t know,” he ran a hand through his hair and Clara resisted the urge to swoon. He really was attractive...but that was beside the point.

“I’m going to go now, Sirius. Will you be alright?” she reached out to him, but stopped herself.

“Will you stop that?” he pleaded.

“Stop what?” she pulled her hand back.

“Stop being so calm about everything; Stop saying my name like we’re friends,” he scowled like a petulant child.

“We _are_ friends, Si-,” she stopped herself.

“I dumped you for some other girl, Clara. I _used_ you. How are you alright with that? Don’t you have any self-respect?” Clara flinched.

“Well, it’s not like I expected any different,” she replied coldly.

“Expected...” he trailed off.

“I knew what I was getting into, Sirius,” she no longer said his name like they were friends.

“And what was that?”

“It was just for fun, wasn’t it? It wasn’t anything...serious,” she resisted the involuntary smile.

“Well, I guess I didn’t know what I was getting into,” he replied. Clara looked up in surprise.

“No, you always know,” it was her turn to act like a petulant child.

“You were always a little too...out of it,” he shrugged, and a self-effacing smirk played on his lips.

“What do you mean?”

“Detached, Apart. You weren’t always there.”

“That didn’t matter,” she frowned at him, and it was the first time he’d seen that look on her face.

“Of course it did,” he laughed bitterly. “I _wanted_ you to be there.”

“You wanted me to be there _for you_! Admit it! You wanted me to just go along with everything you want. That’s what you _always_ want out of everyone, isn’t it? All the girls? And when you get _bored_ , you just move on,” his lips pressed into a thin line.

“That’s what everyone thinks, is it?”

“It’s the truth,” she told him evenly. “When you first asked me out, I knew what you wanted, what you were expecting to get. I went along with it, because ‘why the hell not?’, right? And now you’re _offended_ , because I’m not _upset_ enough about you leaving me. Is that it?” Sirius had no response. “You want me to feel bad, so that you’ll feel validated, like you mean something.”

“And I never meant anything to you,” he replied, sounding resigned.

“We could’ve been good friends, and now...” she sounded more tired than angry.

“We were good friends first, weren’t we?” he said it more like a statement.

“You were alright, kind of funny,” Clara conceded, messing with her hair like she was wont to do when overwhelmed.

“You’re a good person, Clara. I think I might’ve taken advantage of that,” he shrugged.

“No, I knew what I was doing. I suppose we should’ve talked a bit more. We might’ve gotten some things clarified,” she smiled regretfully.

“I’m probably incapable of that,” Sirius snorted derisively.

“And I think I value my que-sera-sera a little too much to be really...emotionally... _there_ ,” Clara wrinkled her nose.

“I think I miss your que-sera-sera, actually, but I think I might not know you as well as I’d thought,” Sirius shrugged.

“Don’t beat yourself up about it, not very many people do,” Clara laughed bitterly, “As of tonight, though, I think you know more than most, so you’re alright.”

“I really did want you to be there, y’know, emotionally,” he cringed at his words.

“Yeah, that could’ve been fun,” Clara smiled.

“Odd choice of words, but I’ll take it,” Sirius smiled back, “I thought you were pretty great. Y’know, friendly, sweet girl, weird sense of humour.”

“For what it’s worth, you might’ve maybe probably meant something to me. Maybe that’s why I didn’t want to be too attached,” Clara found it hard to look him in the eye. “I mean, honestly, it’s really difficult not to be attracted to you. You’re pretty great yourself,” she smirked up at him.

“You’re doing it again,” Sirius chastised jokingly.

“What?”

“Letting your que-sera-sera take over when you feel like things are getting too...real,” he smiled to soften the blow.

“Oh, yes. That does tend to happen,” she stopped herself from shrugging.

“Would you-“ Sirius took a breath, “Clara, d’you think we could give it another go?”

“Well, you did still dump me for some other girl,” she folded her arms. Sirius nodded apologetically.

“I’d have to think about it”


	2. Laserquest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was just meant to be a oneshot, but then I got some ideas, and stuff happened :| Sorry

Clara was Lily and Remus’s friend first, which is why they were so angry when Sirius broke it off. Sure, they had their misgivings when Sirius and Clara started going together, but even when Clara’d assured them she was fine, it was Sirius they were angry with when they broke up.

They were introduced when Lily and Remus invited her and her odd friend to one of their Friday night...outings. Now, Lily and James were Head Boy and Girl, but this plan had been in the works for over a year. They were seventh years now, and it was time to make the most of their final year at Hogwarts. Therefore, every other Friday night was reserved for sneaking out of the castle and “adventuring”, as James called it.

Unfortunately for Clara, Pandora was spending that first Friday night with Xenophilius. Fortunately for Sirius, Clara’d decided earlier that year to take every opportunity for fun. It _was_ her final year at school. Why the hell not, right?

“Ssshhh!” James hissed as the group of mostly Gryffindors stumbled through the secret passage and into the school. “This is Slytherin turf, people, so shush!” He had a tendency to overreact as it was, exacerbated by the alcohol.

“Whazza’, Potter? West Side Story?” Clara slurred, and Lily and Dorcas, the only other muggleborns, giggled.

“West Side...?” a drowsy Peter mumbled.

“I’ve got to...I’ve got to go back...to Hufflepuff,” Clara realized.

“I’ll take you,” Sirius announced, slinging a heavy arm over her shoulder.

“Nope, no. I will. You’re drunk, Sirius,” Lily removed Clara from under his arm.

“So’re you, Lily,” Sirius tried to argue.

“You’re more drunk,” she put a finger up at him, “I’ve been...sloooowly sobering up.”

“Whatever,” Sirius batted a hand at her, “Clara!” he called, prompting another round of shushing from James, and more giggles from Dorcas, Marlene, and Peter. Remus attempted to keep both James and Peter up. “We’re mates now, you an’ me, alright?” he really was being incredibly loud.

“Yes, hell yes. Friends,” Clara replied, pointing from herself to him.

“I’m coming, Lily! I’m coming with you,” James asserted.

“Fine, I suppose I don’t want to walk back alone,” Lily conceded. “Alright, here we go, Clara,” and with that, Lily led Clara away from the group, leaving Remus and the two other girls to sort out where Gryffindor tower would be.

* * *

 

“Fruit Bowl Portrait, Lily,” Clara told her, slowly sobering up as they walked the dark halls.

“Clara, you haven’t got a boyfriend, have you?” Lily asked carefully, watching James teetering beside her.

“No, why?” Clara squinted up at her.

“Well, I think someone might’ve been making a move on you,” Lily told her, and then elbowed a giggling James.

“Oh, I didn’t get that,” Clara mumbled out.

“That’s probably good,” Lily said, not-so-secretly relieved.

“Yeah, I’d like to be friends with everyone,” Clara beamed at her.

“Clara-belle!” they heard a breathy voice call out from under the portrait of a bowl of fruit.

“Dora-belle! What’re you doing here?” Clara called out, extricating herself from Lily and running to hug Pandora. Lily wrinkled her nose at the nicknames.

“She doesn’t normally call me that,” Pandora explained. “You smell awful,” she told Clara, though her tone remained light.

“Is that Lovegood?” James asked, eyeing a lump of robes snoring against the wall with the portrait.

“Oh, he wouldn’t let me wait for Clara alone,” Pandora sighed.

“You didn’t have to, Dora. You’re a good friend,” Clara said, releasing Pandora to pat her cheek.

“I was worried you’d have a hard time getting back. Good thing too,” Lily watched as Pandora ruffled Clara’s fluff of curls affectionately.

“Alright, we’ll head back to Gryffindor tower, then,” Lily sighed, blinking slowly.

“You’re still flushed. Are you sure you’ll be alright?” Pandora asked.

“I’ve got her,” James puffed up his chest.

“I don’t think...” Pandora began.

“I’ve got this,” Lily waved away Pandora’s concerns. “You just focus on getting Xenophilius back to Ravenclaw,” James giggled again.

* * *

 

“Clara!” Sirius called out, pulling Clara to the courtyard and away from the throng of students. “Tomorrow night again? Yes?” Clara bit her lip, thinking back to the killer hangover she’d had to spend last Saturday morning nursing.

“Come on,” Sirius urged. Clara felt herself flush at his proximity, though he, himself, hadn’t seemed to notice.

“Alright,” she finally nodded, smiling.

“You don’t seem sure,” he admitted.

“No, I’m sure,” she smiled harder, challenging him to doubt her again.

* * *

 

Flying on an illegally enchanted magic carpet was difficult as it was. It was worse doing so in the beginning of October, when you need your arms wrapped around you against the chill, but if you don’t hold on, you might just roll off of the thing. But that was just what the group decided to do when James and Sirius had somehow acquired a magic carpet that could hold the seven Gryffindors along with Clara, Pandora, Xenophilius, and another Ravenclaw boy Marlene had brought along.

“What band is this?” Clara shouted into Sirius’s ear.

“Alaskan Kappas!” he shouted back. This was what the carpet was for, of course: to sneak into a concert. It was easy enough. Most people were on quilts and blankets on the grass, themselves.

Most of the group had paired off into couples, for the evening, save for Peter, who was third-wheeling Remus and Dorcas. James, Lily, Marlene, and Marlene’s date were off the carpet, jumping and dancing along to the music. Pandora and Xenophilius were on Sirius’s other side, lying on the carpet, hand in hand, whispering to each other. Sirius tilted his head away from the crowd, motioning to Clara that he was going for a smoke away from the noise, and would she like to join him? Clara nodded.

“Could you...?”

“Yeah, ‘course,” Sirius lit Clara’s cigarette for her. They were a bit away from the crowd now, no longer needing to shout. “You alright?”

“Yeah,” Clara laughed, “But my lips are numb,” Sirius gave her a bemused questioning look. “It happens when I drink,” she explained.

“You’re really red too,” he laughed.

“It happens,” she nodded knowingly, beaming. A quiet moment passed, where they both took puffs and blew smoke into the sky, listening to the music in the distance. He watched her movements carefully, the way her neck stretched upward, her slight smile as she watched the smoke curl lazily past her lips. She turned to him, clearly pleased.

“Shotgun,” he said.

“What?” her brow furrowed, though the smile never left her.

“Y’know? Wind tunnel? Shotgun?”

“None of those words made any sense to me,” she teased.

“Let me show you,” he grinned. “Open your mouth just a bit,” to his surprise, she complied without hesitation, eyes twinkling like she was suppressing a laugh. He tilted her face just a little bit by the chin. He inhaled from his cigarette, held the smoke in his mouth, then bent towards her.

His gaze flicked up from her full lips. He was surprised, yet again. Her eyes were crinkling with suppressed laughter. She was watching the smoke travel slowly from his mouth to hers. Clara wondered what she should do about it. Inhale? She happened to look up then, and inhaled involuntarily anyway. She coughed and spluttered, apologising between breaths as he laughed good-naturedly.

“Sorry, that was a lot for a first time,” he admitted. She couldn’t help the laughter bubbling out of her. Clara tried to forget the weighty look in his eyes when she’d caught him watching her, with his face so close, they might’ve kissed.

“How d’you like them?” Sirius asked, nodding his head in the direction of the band.

“I love them!” she exclaimed.

“Strong words for a first listen,” he teased.

“No, they’re brilliant,” she insisted. He admired the way she was flushed and beaming; the way she lit up always added something to her otherwise plain features.

“You’re always so happy about everything _all_ the time!” he said, laughing.

“I am!” she yelled gloriously at the sky, then sighed. “Sirius,” her voice was serious now, but still the ever-present smile, “so much _shit_ is happening. The world...the world is a scary, horrible place, with bad people like...” her smile faltered, and was replaced by a more hesitant version, “like that dark wizard and his followers, and racism, and sexism, and people generally hurting other people...” she sighed again, and he drew closer to her, “but there are good people too, and good things, and if we just got our shit together,” she laughed, then, “we’d be able to make the most of this beautiful beautiful world we all share,” she nodded earnestly. And then he couldn’t help himself, he had to kiss her.

And then he asked her to the next Hogsmeade visit.

* * *

 

The last time they'd slept together was two weeks before the break up. It was the Room of Requirement, this time, and it wasn't so bad. No more blankets on the floor, but an actual bed, and a fireplace warming them from one end of the room. The room's large rain-spattered windows showed a view of the grounds below, though of course, this wasn't real, just an enchantment. It might not even have been raining. They were stretched out on the large bed, Sirius in his underwear after Clara effectively stole his shirt. She was teaching him Muggle card games.

"So, your dad's Muggleborn, then?" Sirius asked. It bothered him sometimes how she knew more about his family than he did about her's.

"Yup," she was focused on shuffling the deck, though Sirius knew she could do it with her eyes closed.

"And your mum's from a Pureblood family..." he pushed on.

"Yes," she met his eyes now, but the look in them didn't match her slight smile. "D'you want to deal this time?"

"How does that work?" to his surprise (naturally), she laughed.

"Well, Sirius, I don't know if you've noticed, but magical and Muggle anatomy are fairly similar," she teased.

"Clara, you know what I mean," he tried smiling, afraid he'd frighten her off the topic altogether. She sighed.

"I don't want to talk about it," she'd never been one to beat around the bush.

"I'm sorry," then, because he's Sirius, he added: "I just want to know. I want to know what that's like. What other families are like," Clara caught his gaze, and though she wasn't frowning, there was something inscrutable about her look.

"I never ask about _your_ family troubles," her tone wasn't mean. It was even, and strange, like something foreign he'd never heard before.

"No, you're right"


	3. Sober

Sirius spotted her first. He walked by, casual as you please, then swooped low to plant a quick peck on her head. Clara jumped, then realising who it was, elbowed him in the rib.

“Morning, Sunshine,” he teased, dodging her elbow easily.

“Good morning,” she greeted airily, then peered around him to greet James, Remus, and Peter.

“Morning, Dora. Did you know, I’ve got a nephew with the same nickname?” Sirius told her.

“Niece, Sirius,” Clara corrected, backhanding him lightly on the chest.

“Right, right,” Sirius nodded absently, noticing the mixed looks on the faces of the students around them, milling towards the Great Hall for breakfast. Like barn animals during feeding time.

Sirius learned not to pay too much attention to other people, especially random looks thrown his way, but sometimes, it just couldn’t be helped. He and Clara had been together long enough for the attention to dissipate, but it was also long enough that the looks people threw their way were different now. The once bitter, or even questioning, looks were now looks of pity, as though they were all thinking: “Any time now”.

“I’ve got to go,” Clara said, quiet enough that he had to lean down to hear her over the din of breakfast time at Hogwarts. She gestured to the Hufflepuff table. He smiled and nodded, pleased when she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving.

* * *

 

It would be their final winter at Hogwarts, and that needed commemorating. The rest of the seventh years were invited, this time, though you’d have to know someone who knows someone who knows how to get out of the castle undetected at night. It was the evening before everyone would have to leave to spend Christmas with their families. Everyone was going home, staying on at school, or, in Sirius’s case, spending the holiday at James’s.

They were at an open field just by Hogsmeade. There were drinks and food, but everyone knew the highlight of the evening would be the fireworks.

“Butterbeer for you,” Clara singsong-ed, plopping down beside Sirius on the picnic blanket enchanted to stay warm despite the snow, “-And butterbeer for me,” she clinked her mug against his. They’d had to improvise provisions with the house elves from the kitchens. As Hufflepuffs, Clara and Pandora were put in charge.

“What?” Sirius feigned surprise, “What happened to the firewhiskey?”

“Well, if you want to miss the train tomorrow ‘cause of one measly little hangover, be my guest,” Clara teased, quirking an eyebrow at him and downing the butterbeer. She hummed contentedly as the drink warmed her.

“Alright, alright,” Sirius conceded, drinking from his mug, and simultaneously swiping at Clara’s nose, red and numb from the cold. She gasped, and he laughed, setting his drink down. Clara let out a roar and attacked his face with little kisses. Sirius laughed, allowing himself to tumble backwards and not even bothering to fight back.

“Ah, young love,” they heard from above them, followed by chuckling.

“James, leave them alone,” it was Lily this time, and Sirius and Clara looked up just in time to see her flick the bridge of his glasses. He pouted, though Clara could tell he was pleased with the easy contact between them.

“Yeah, mate, let me publicly snog my girlfriend in peace,” Sirius let out a bark of laughter. Lily rolled her eyes affectionately, and Clara noticed that behind her and James, they were holding hands, fingers entwined.

As soon as James and Lily were gone, Clara got up and dusted herself off. “When’d that happen?” she asked Sirius excitedly.

“What?” Sirius asked, getting up as well.

“James and Lily, of course! Did you not notice?” she chastised, her grin getting bigger.

“Merlin, must be why he looked so nauseous just this morning,” Sirius chuckled. “He’s been after her for so long, he probably has no idea what to do now,” he shook his head.

“Oh, I’m not worried. He’s smart enough to figure it out, and if not, well, Lily’ll teach him,” Clara said. Sirius moved closer and slid a hand into her loose, thick hair as though he did it every day.

“Are you using my hair to warm up your hand?” Clara whispered up at him conspiratorially.

“Yes, it’s brilliant,” Sirius played along, laughing. Clara reached up and placed her cold hands into his long, dark locks.

“Ah, so warm,” she teased. Just then, the fireworks started, and both of them turned to watch the magnificent display of enchanted explosions.

Clara’s arms moved around Sirius’s middle, and she tucked herself closer to his warmth. Sirius’s eyes flicked down to her. She was watching silently, wide-eyed. He bent to place a kiss on her temple, and then, on impulse: “I love you”, he whispered into her ear. She looked up at him with the same silent, wide-eyed look, and then moved her arms to his shoulders. She pulled him closer for a kiss, and there were fireworks, and it was cold, but they were warm, and it was perfect.

* * *

 

Clara and Sirius wrote each other during break, though they were both quite terrible at it. Sometimes, it would take forever for either one to receive a response. Other times, there would be two or three letters at a time, sent by different owls. Sirius, pleased to hear from Regulus that his family did not approve of his seeing the daughter of a blood traitor, immediately reported this to Clara. On the other hand, Clara wrote about spending Christmas with her father’s family once again, and of all her strange Muggle cousins and their foreign Muggle ways.

* * *

 

Two weeks before the imminent break up, and Sirius was walking Clara from the Room of Requirement to the portrait that indicated the entrance to the kitchens. She never let him see her entering the Hufflepuff dormitory, or even work out where the entrance was.

The walk back was tense and quiet, and Sirius felt he ought to fix things. “I’m sorry for asking about your family,” he said as they approached the portrait.

“It’s alright. It’s unavoidable, isn’t it? I shouldn’t’ve gotten all worked up,” Clara smiled apologetically, though Sirius noticed how it didn’t reach her eyes.

“Alright,” he said, shuffling awkwardly from foot to foot, “See you tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” she nodded, still smiling. And as Sirius walked back to Gryffindor tower, something kept nagging in the back of his head. It was only when he was finally in bed and trying to fall asleep when he figured it out. He’d told her he loved her just once, that one moment before the holidays, but she’d never said anything back.

* * *

 

When Sirius broke it off, he moped for one night, and one night only. It was the evening after he and Clara’d had their talk, but because Remus was angry with him, and James was on Lily’s side on the matter, he had no one but Peter.

“Congratulations, mate, you nearly made if _half_ a year with the same girl,” Peter had the guts to joke. “First time you’ve had just one girlfriend a whole school year, isn’t it? That’s got to be some sort of personal record. ‘Course, not for long, what with that Lila Johnson, eh?”

“Shut it, Wormy,” Sirius grumbled into his pillow.

The following day would’ve been another day of moping about if he hadn’t spotted Clara immediately before breakfast. She was joking around with Pandora as though nothing had happened.

* * *

 

Over two months after the break up, and Clara was still mulling over Sirius’s proposition to get back together. Though, that Saturday afternoon, sitting by the Black Lake and rereading letters from home, more pressing thoughts occupied her.

“Mind if I sit with you?” speak of the devil, Clara thought.

“Only if you don’t mind me sulking about and worrying on and on about home,” she said, smiling sardonically.

“It _would_ be an interesting change. I think I’m curious, actually, about what you look like _not_ smiling all the time, for once,” Sirius teased. Clara rolled her eyes. “I’m sure they’re fine, Clara,” Sirius asserted.

“My parents...” Clara allowed her brow to knit ever so slightly. She wasn’t smiling, but she wouldn’t look at Sirius either. “They’re high-ranking healers at St. Mungo’s. They practically live there. Sometimes, they come home in the wee hours of the morning...,” she looked as though she might tear up.

“Well, they sound smart enough not to wander about outside, on their own, in the dark,” Sirius assured her.

“They’re attacking homes now,” she really was tearing up. She looked up at Sirius with wide eyes. “My mum’s a blood traitor, and my dad’s muggleborn,” the corners of her mouth were tugging down threateningly, though she fought it. Clara swiped at her damp eyes.

“They’re not alone in this,” Sirius rubbed her back, “The Aurors will protect them,” he sounded so sure, Clara almost believed him. _And the Order, too_ , Sirius added in his thoughts.

"School year's almost over," Sirius thought it'd be best to switch directions. "Have you thought about what you're doing after?"

"Well, no..." Clara smiled at him sheepishly, though she appreciated the change in topic. "I've been accepted for an internship at St. Mungo's, and I'd like to give it a go. I practically grew up there, and I feel like I could really help. You?"

"I'll be training to be an Auror, of course," Sirius beamed proudly.

"Of course," Clara nodded sagely, smiling at his confidence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave kudos/comments :(


	4. Magic

Clara was several months into her healer training and nearly a year away from her life at Hogwarts. She was living in a flat with Pandora, the only way her parents would let her move out. Pandora, meanwhile, was looking for research jobs with the ministry.

“You two toerags are ridiculous!” Clara whipped open the privacy curtains to reveal two occupied hospital beds.

“Wha-? Whozat? Lily...?” James mumbled, having been startled awake.

“Hullo, Clara,” said a much more lucid Sirius.

“You’re both extremely lucky Lily got you here fast,” Clara was fuming.

“Where’s she?” James again, though he looked to be settling back to sleep.

“It’s not visiting hours, Clara. We’re supposed to be resting,” Sirius said with a tired grin.

“Well, then, I suppose I’ll have to leave you both, then. I’m not wasting my meagre free time where I’m not wanted,” Clara feigned offense, and pretended to leave.

“Hold on!” Sirius raised a limp arm, “Come ‘ere,” he patted his bed. Clara came over to sit on the visitors’ stool beside him.

“I can’t believe you,” she started.

“Just two, Clara, no harm done,” he was still grinning.

“Two stabs with a poisoned blade that’s sent you to the hospital. I’d say _much_ harm done, Sirius,” she couldn’t help but smile back, anyway.

“Still alive,” Sirius offered.

“Yes, well, you can tell me that when the poison’s left your system completely,” Clara’s brow creased with worry.

“I will,” Sirius assured her.

“How’s everyone?” she asked quietly. Clara’d been so busy; she hadn’t had time to see much of anyone, though that had the bright side of keeping her away from danger.

“We’re all good. James and I are the worst off, so far,” Sirius admitted. We, of course, included Lily, Marlene, as well as other members of their secret Order.

“And Peter and Remus?” they’d both been having a difficult time finding jobs, Clara knew. Peter, because his resume was less-than-stellar, and Remus, because he’d recently decided to be open with his condition.

“They’re alright,” Clara could tell from his tone, what he meant was: They’re alright, but nothing’s changed.

“I wish I could help, somehow,” Clara sighed, brushing back Sirius’s hair from his brow. She pulled her hand back, when she realised what she was doing. “Sorry,” she added sharply. Though they were on good terms, and had gotten closer, Sirius was still waiting on her response to that last question: “D’you think we could give it another go?” But Clara was waiting for things to get better, for the chaos to settle down, for her loved ones to be safe, finally. She had to believe things could get better, and until then, she would focus her efforts on making it so.

“It’s alright,” and with a little uncharacteristic hesitation, he added, “I always did like it when you did that”. There was a moment’s silence, and Sirius coughed awkwardly.

“And Clara, you’re learning to save lives. You _are_ helping,” he said, hoping to dispel the awkwardness.

“I wish I could do more. I wish I could stop the attacks, or just stop _Them_ , once and for all,” she shook her head. Sirius suddenly grew concerned. If Clara got it in her head to join the fight, he just might lose her for good.

* * *

 

“Oh, no. Oh, Sirius,” it was early in the morning, long before the sun would rise, and Clara was opening the door for a tall, dark figure.

“Clara,” she could hear the relief in his voice, “can I come in?” there was something clearly wrong.

“Sit down. You must be freezing!” Clara whispered, as she led him to a couch in front of the fireplace. She didn’t want to wake Pandora. She lit a fire for him, before heading into the kitchen. Sirius watched her go. He was sorry to worry her, and wake her so early when he knew her training kept her awake for long odd hours, and breaks were rare. Still, for all their uncertainty with their relationship, it was her he needed that night.

“Here,” she handed him a cup of tea, trying to keep her hands from shaking. She sat, cross-legged, beside him. “Are you alright?” He set the cup aside, and shrugged off his heavy coat, but stopped her from leaving to hang it.

“I’m...” his voice was gruff and shaking, and it scared Clara that something could do this to him. He took another breath, “The McKinnons...”

“What happened?” he could see her eyes begin to glisten, and he knew she was only asking to delay the inevitable. Clara felt her throat constricting.

“There was a fire,” he said, steeling himself, “It’s not...confir-. There’s no proof it was...Them,” he heard her stifle a sob.

“Marlene?” she whispered. He shook his head. She covered her face in her hands, and Sirius held her. “It was the Death Eaters,” he heard her whisper between sobs. And Sirius couldn’t remember how it happened, but suddenly, it was her holding him, and comforting him, as he tried to remember how to deal with so much pain.

* * *

 

“ _Expelliarmus_!” the sky was darkening and the streets were empty, everyone afraid that just this exactly would happen to them. A tall, masked figure approached a trembling wizard who’d been rushing home. The poor man’s wand clattered away too far out of reach.

“Well, well. I remember you,” crooned the masked Death Eater. “A half-blood, then. Not as prized a kill as a mudblood, but you’ll have to do,” he lifted his wand to attack, as the wizard fell to his knees, begging.

“ _Petrificus Totalus_ ,” a blast of light hit the Death Eater square in the chest, and he fell over, immobile.

“Are you alright?” Clara bent over to inspect the fallen victim. “Dora, send a Patronus for an Auror,” she ordered her companion. The wizard had, perhaps, passed out, thinking the sudden blast was his demise.

Pandora turned away to the empty street and relayed her message to her Patronus. Clara checked the wizard for injuries. Neither noticed another Death Eater appearing at the scene.

“Reyes,” sneered the Death Eater, recognising Clara immediately after seeing his fallen comrade. Clara moved to stand up.

“ _Avada Kedavra_ ”

“ _Stupefy!_ ” Pandora yelled as she spun around to face the attacker, but it was too late. The other Death Eater flew against a wall, and was stunned into unconsciousness.

“Clara!” Pandora yelled as Clara fell over the still-unconscious wizard she’d been trying to protect for a second time. A woman ran to them. It was Lily, who’d received Pandora’s message. Lily pressed two fingers to Clara’s wrist with practised ease, and she _had_ done it before; too many times that she’d stopped counting.

“She’s gone,” Lily could barely say it, and a sob escaped her. Pandora said nothing, sobbing over her best friend’s corpse. “I’m...I’m too late,” Lily choked out. The first Death Eater found he could finally move again, and apparated away. The second was not so lucky, and woke up to a fist to his face.

“Sirius!” James tried to hold his friend back. They'd apparated after Lily. 

“She’s dead!” he roared, fighting off James’s hold. A higher ranking Auror pulled the Death Eater away to arrest him. In a desperate lunge, Sirius ripped his mask off. “Zabini!” he growled, recognising his old schoolmate. Zabini allowed himself to be carted off; afraid Sirius would attack him again.

Sirius spun around, seeing Clara’s dead body for the first time. He hadn’t wanted to, and when he did, the anger dissipated into a deeper ache; a seemingly infinite emptiness. He moved closer, knowing soon they’d take even her body away.

“Clara?” he had to try. He brushed her hair from her face, touched her cold cheek, remembered how her eyes sparkled, the way she flushed, when she’d told him, that one night at the concert, about how the world was beautiful.

* * *

 

When Sirius woke up, he felt lighter than he had in years. His limbs no longer hung heavy, and even his back felt straighter. It was as though all those years in Azkaban had never happened.

“Sirius, wake up!”

“Merlin, Lils, let the poor man rest!” Sirius’s eyelids flew open, and he jolted upright.

“Prongs?!” he looked around himself, and sure enough, there he was, and with Lily as well.

“Haven’t been called that in a while,” James said, rubbing the back of his head and messing with his hair. “Hullo, Padfoot,” Sirius’s eyes stung with tears.

“Is this...? Am I...? Am I in heaven?” he asked. James and Lily laughed good-naturedly.

“Just a pit stop, mate, we’ll get you there soon enough,” James told him.

“Sirius Black!” he heard an airy voice call out as he stood up. He was in a wide open field, he noticed.

“Pandora?” he asked, recognising the woman who appeared older than James and Lily Potter.

“Pandora Lovegood,” she told him. “My, Sirius, you’re looking well. Have you heard from my husband? And my daughter? How’re they doing?”

“Pandora!” Sirius cried out, still in shock. Where were they all coming from? Was this all real? Would she be here?

“Yes, Sirius, it’s me!” Pandora laughed.

“Your...husband...” Sirius tried to process everything, “Daughter...? The Quibbler!”

“Oh, he’s lost it,” Lily teased.

“Yes, the Quibbler!” Pandora cried.

“Oh, they’ve both lost it,” said James.

“Last I heard, Xenophilius was doing well, and you should be proud of Luna, Pandora! You’re daughter is brilliant!” Sirius exclaimed, “And James, Lily! Harry is absolutely wonderful, you’d love him. He looks so much like you,” he pointed to James, “but has your eyes, Lily!”

“We saw him,” Lily said quietly, “When he released our souls from You-Kno-, Voldemort’s wand”

“You did?” Sirius asked. James and Lily nodded.

“How’s Remus?” James asked quietly.

“He’s alright,” Sirius nodded, “Could be better, but we’re old men now,” Sirius chuckled.

“What d’you mean, Sirius?” Lily joked. Sirius touched his face. No worry lines. He looked at his hands. They were immaculate.

“What?”

“When you get here,” Pandora explained, “You stay the age you were happiest. For me, that was when I was still with my family,” she gave a sigh.

“When I was happiest?” Sirius asked no one in particular, wondering how old he looked.

“Hullo, Sirius. I’m sorry I took so long,” Sirius froze at the familiar voice. He turned slowly, afraid to get his hopes up.

“Clara?” it was her alright. She was just how he had always remembered her. It was the Clara from the night at the concert: happy, carefree, and excited to be a part of the world. He was definitely crying now. “I missed you,” he said.

She rushed to embrace him, and he was filled with all the emotions he thought he’d never feel again. He had, for so long, believed he’d only ever hold her again in his dreams, and now there they were. And he was surrounded by her laugh, her warmth, her scent; all, things he’d tried so hard to hold on to, but had forgotten. “I love you too,” she whispered into his ear.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos/comments, yes?


End file.
